A few weeks ago I made the decision to cut off a good amount of my hair. It has been falling out for some time now, off and on, but lately its been coming out by the fist full in the shower. I had to do my hair for press photos one night and was having trouble covering the thinning spots, so I made a decision to donate what I have left and give my body some time to heal.
I have gone in cycles of loss and regrowth since I was a teenager. I find that the fall out is worse when my autoimmune diseases are flaring up, or if I am under more stress than usual. Sometimes this stress comes in the form of lack of sleep vs actually feeling stressed out.
I have been suffering from PTSD since I was a little kid, and after my book marathon in March, it has been pretty flared. My brain keeps showing me pictures of things that have happened in my past when I am awake, but its even worse when I try to sleep. No wonder my hair has decided to abandon my scalp. I just do not have the energy to grow more hair.
I have been trying to focus my energy into the stage, since its hard to sleep anyway. I am enjoying my time, but its also been alot for my body to handle. My eating and sleeping patterns are all over the place. I need to establish a better routine for rehearsal days.
I manage my PTSD with therapy, but this another thing that has been put on the back burner due to rehearsals. Right now my typical day starts at 6:00am and ends when I get home from rehearsal at 10:15pm or at 11:30pm on a performance night. Sometimes I have 10 minutes to stop at home between work and being at a theatre, but it depends on what traffic is like. I have had it take 1.5 hours to travel the 22 miles from work to home some days.
This is all a great distraction from the noise in my head, but I should probably slow down a bit, if I want my hair to grow back. I still have not mailed out my donation, its in an envelope in my dresser ready to go, I just have not made it to the post office.
I choose to donate to Locks of Love. This is my 4th LOL donation since age 17. There have been many rumors about their business practices that shine a negative light their way, but after some personal research, I still feel comfortable donating to them. Their primary focus is on children with permanent hair-loss from Alopecia and they also help kids that have loss due to chemotherapy. They do not charge families for the services they provide. They do sell hair donations that they can not use, they do this to off set manufacturing costs. Other places just throw unusable donations away. I much rather have my hair sold to help a cause then just end up in the trash, like it would at a salon. I got 10 inches cut off this time.
I am adapting to having short hair after a few years of keeping it at least shoulder length, its a bit of a shock to the system. It is nice to not be trying to hide bald patches daily, as its fluffy enough to just do that on its own.
I am making a promise to myself to establish a routine among the chaos to get healthier and give my body a reason to grow hair again. The silver lining in all of this mess, is that some kid will gain confidence from my battle.